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Monday, August 29, 2005

Chuckle chuckle...

Thursday, August 25, 2005

I like these people. The question is, do I have their chutzpah?

Tuesday, August 16, 2005

I was sent a “Get to know you” survey for Shannon, so I thought I’d share her answers here for your enjoyment.

First name? "Shannon."
Were you named after anyone? "I don't know."
Do you wish on stars? "Sometimes."
When did you last cry? "I don't remember."
Do you like your handwriting? "Well, everybody likes their *own* handwriting!" (In a perfect Scarlett O'Hara imitation.)
What is your favorite lunch meat? "Lunch meat? Probably said, meat? Um...what's the kind I have on my ham and cheese sandwich? That's my favorite, I think."
What is your birthday? "April 2nd." and then "Is someone going to be sending me something?"
What is your favorite CD? "That silly one with 'Wash your face in orange juice'." [The Absolutely Very Best of Peter Combe]
If you were another person, would YOU be friends with you? (After several minutes of existential discussion on how this might be possible, I gave up and moved on.)
Do you have a journal? "I don't know."
What are your nicknames? "Shannon-Bananan-Hanan, that's what Auntie Carol calls me."
Would you bungee jump? "What is a bungee jump?" (After an explanation) "No! ......... Well, it sounds silly. Hmm, I don't *think* I would do it."
Do you untie your shoes when you take them off? "Sometimes."
Do you think that you are strong? "Well, I don't know. It's hard to say."
What is your favorite ice cream flavor? "That's a yummy thought. Chocolate and strawberry. Not together, just apart."
Shoe Size? "I'll be right back." (went to check...) "10." (I just bought her size 12's. I guess she didn't find those.)
Red or Pink? "I have some shoes that are pinkish red..." (When I said it wasn't about shoes) "Oh, I like red more than pink."
What is your favorite thing about yourself? "That I live."
Who do you miss most? "I miss lots of people. But the most I guess is Grandma and Grandpa and Bobbie, cuz we don't see them very much." (They also don't call very often...but I digress.)
Do you want everyone you send this to, to send it back? "If it has a picture, they should make a different one to send back to me."
What color pants and shoes are you wearing right now? "Well, I"m not wearing any shoes. I'm wearing capri's with flowers on them that are turquoise, light green, pink and purple with really light purple underneath."
What are you listening to right now? "The fan."
Last thing you ate? "Kolachi. I'm eating it now."
If you were a crayon, what color would you be? "I would be, hmmm, magenta."
What is the weather like right now? "Cloudy and hot."
Last person you talked to on the phone? "Grandad. "
Favorite drink? "Strawberry smoothies and strawberry lemonades."
Favorite Sport to watch? "I do not know. I haven't seen ALL the sports, so I can't say." (BUT, I say, nor has she tried ALL the drinks, and yet she CAN say...)
Hair Color? "Really dark brown." (She's a liar. Even Miss Clairol wouldn't call it that. It's more of a medium brown with golden highlights.)
Do you wear glasses? "No." (But it's not for lack of nagging at the glasses store, believe-you-me.)
Favorite Food? "That's a yummy thought just like ice cream. Strawberries."
Last Movie You Watched? "I don't remember."
Scary Movies Or Happy Ending? "Well, it could be a Scary Movie WITH a Happy Ending..." (UGH! Is this *supposed* to take three years to complete???)(After several moments of hemming and hawing during which I surf the web for hair replacement products...) "I guess both."
Summer or winter? (Not another one!) "Well, I like cold, and I'd rather it be in winter. But if you mean about movies, I'd rather it be in summer."
Hugs OR Kisses? "Which would I prefer giving to someone? Well.........." Ponders for several moments...."I don't really know what this means." (I say just to choose which she likes best.) "To get?" (sure) "Um, well, it depends on who it is. If it's my brother..." (Moving right along....)
What Is Your Favorite Dessert? "ooooh, I like for dessert Ice Cream sandwiches, Ice cream in a cone, any kind of ice cream, really."
Who lives in your house? "My family."
What books are you reading? "I'm not reading any book right now."
What's On Your Mouse Pad? "I don't think I really have a mouse pad."
What Did You Watch Last night on TV? "Monster House."
Favorite Smells? "Smell of roses."
Favorite Sounds? "I don't know."
What's the furthest you've been from home? "Grandpa and Grandma's?" (She's also been to Australia - when we lived in Seattle, and to the UK when we lived in Denver.) (Grandpa and Grandma live in WA State.)

Ok, I can see we have some work to do on decision-making and the whole idea of 'what if...' and, obviously, high drama and being RIGHT is critical. But you have to admit, if she can't argue her way out of anything, she can probably use some other charm... "What's the meat on my ham and cheese...?" Oh deary me, oh deary me!

Wednesday, August 10, 2005

Soldiering on, I saw an(other) insightful piece by Wendy McElroy in the news this morning. Sort of preaching to the choir, I suppose, but she’s able to speak with so much more clarity than I, I thought I’d share.

My pals over at Literary Chicks are holding an auction for fellow author Marianne Mancusi who lost her house to a lightning fire while she was at the RWA conference in Reno. If you read or write or are just plain curious, check out some of the really cool stuff up for grabs. Personally, I'm bidding on a manuscript critique by an agent. I have ZERO qualms about buying my way onto a desk wherein lies the power of publishing. (Donations accepted.)

And, if you haven’t already made a donation to sponsor me for the 3 Day walk, my donations need to be in by the end of the month, so get your hiney over to my donation page and JUST DO IT! You can use a credit card online, download and print a form to send in a check or credit card payment, or even do monthly installments for up to a year! How much easier can a tax deduction get? The life you save might be your own. Or my daughter’s. Or both. I’m not going to beg, but, honestly, my life, as you know, is hell. And I’m still willing to walk 60 miles in a weekend, PLUS do as much training as I can. Any double digit donation is wonderful, a triple digit one is that much better. I thank your kind and generous hearts in advance.

On a lighter note, as Shannon and I were making our way to the pharmacy counter yesterday to pick up more drugs to add to our little collection, these items gave me pause. I wonder if these are made by the company that gave us Psssssssst back in the 70’s. I mean, I suppose it’s a good idea. Kind of like the “you never appreciate how gross carpet is until you have hard floors” scenario. And I don’t guess too many men want to use butt wipes, er, I mean, baby wipes, on their heads. I thought it was funny how they had to give the guy on the shampoo box (isn’t this a line for ‘Bald Guyz’???) hair, though. Just in case their niche was a teensy bit too small, I suppose. I wonder where one stops with the ‘head’ sunscreen and starts with the Coppertone. Maybe at the gold chain.

Tuesday, August 09, 2005

Nobody likes me, everybody hates me, guess I’ll go eat worms…

I am thankful today for those who value honesty and truth and who love me for who I am.

When I left home in May I had several good friends. Or so I thought. Instead it seems some sour grapes have been eaten at some point. I didn’t know it was possible to put a bowl of FRIENDs in the fridge and come back three months later and find it changed into PARIAH. Ah, chemistry.

Have I confused you, yet? If it makes you feel any better, I’ve been trying to figure it out for a week and I have yet to come to a conclusion that holds water.

Let me try again.

When I got home, I emailed and left phone messages for friends to let them know we were home and that we were anxious to catch up as soon as possible. I got no reply. I tried again. Finally one replied saying that her children didn’t want to hang around my children anymore. Soon another brought by the house every item I’d ever loaned or given her and left it on the front porch. There was no note. She didn’t even knock. After several emails and phone messages I got an email back saying she didn’t have time to be friends with me.
The third was more puzzling. The last email I got from her, aside from condolences about the wreck, said, in part, “I am looking forward to getting out of the house and doing some fun things when you get back and so are the girls. Enjoy your time away and we look forward to seeing you when you all get home.” I sent her a couple of emails and finally got a response today which read, “I have since changed my mind about our families getting together at future times (to further a friendship). Please respect my decision and discontinue further contact. Should we meet at events, etc. we are acquaintances and can act as such.”

So, there you go. Three friendships shot to hell and I don’t even have a clue how I did it.
But, see, here’s where it all falls apart. I took the high road. I didn’t stomp my feet or demand a chance to defend myself or anything. I simply said I’m sad you feel that way, I respect your decision, and I wish you well. So, how come I’m the one crying my eyes out? How come I’m the one left with the challenge of explaining to my children why none of their friends are available anymore? How come I’m the one building the fortress around my family? We don’t need this. Where did I go wrong?

Friday, July 22, 2005

We spent last night in Pueblo and hope to be home tonight. I'll try to get a decent account of our misadventures written before I leave for RWA nationals on Wednesday morning... UGH!

Thursday, June 23, 2005

Here's the thing about having pride. See I used to didn't. I didn't used to. In my younger days, I had no feelings of self-worth. And I didn't attempt things because I only saw failure ahead. But, as the years passed I slowly found there were some good things about me, some things that were worthwhile and some things I could do, and some I could even do well (or at least fake well enough). I learned to enjoy a can-do attitude; an I'll-give-it-a-go mind-set. I took on a Positive Outlook. I managed to accomplish some pretty big things, and lots of little things. People seemed to genuinely like me (though I never stopped asking myself why). I was still (am still) quite fragile in the self-worth department. Those early lessons are so hard to unlearn. I've gotten really good at looking like the cuts and scrapes of life and miscues of relationships are easily deflected, but I'm just a big liar. And, naturally, I assume the worst scenario first. I am positive I cease to exist to others when I am not in their presence. If someone doesn't return a call, they must dislike me. In fact, I am loathe even to make phone calls, for fear the callee won't want to talk to me. My brain knows this is not rational. But my ego is too fragile to take it, just in case my brain is wrong.

Buuuuuuuuuuut, this blog was supposed to be about the pride before the fall or the wreck...and as usual, I got side-tracked. Everybody, shift back, one step left should do it...Ready...Go.

So, here I was, feeling really bent out of shape, pride-wise, having to hear (even if it was only in my head) that I shouldn't have tried pulling the trailer, and that it could have been so much worse and we were so lucky and I was about ready to ask for a do-over so I wouldn't be here to have to listen to this garbage when Auntie Chris (the bestest Auntie Chris in all the world, hands down) pointed out that I might have had to come crawling back without one or more of my children.
Ah. Well. Yes.
No. Not in this life.
I guess it's not so much about me, after all.
At least not this time.